Negative Twenty Above Zero
by Minkeystalker
Summary: A series of one-shots involving our lovely Sasuke-kun, the dobe, our cotton candy haired friend, the barbie doll, and other characters we know, love, and enjoy poking fun at. Chapter 1: Sasuke, tomatoes, the emo, and tatoos. Rated T for mild language.


**Minkeystalker: Soo, uhmm, since my other story got ZERO reviews (Not even ones saying it was crap) I've decided to write a drabble series...thing, which is really a bunch of fun stuff with no plot. Apparently, people like that so... Also, if you like Sonic the Hedgehog, you'll probly know where I got this. I just thought I'd...Naruto-ize it. **

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_Title: The emo. _

_Author: Minkeystalker _

_Warnings: Basically making fun of Sasuke, which if you don't like, get help. This is simply me exposing him for the prissy little bitch he is. _

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Sasuke had a cold. Which, you know...sucked. But sucking even more was that his annoying mother (god she's annoying) Was making him go with Team 7 on their mission today. A mission of which involved helping some elderly ladies dig up potatoes in the hot sun. His family then ran out of tomatoes.

Suffice to say, Sasuke was _not _a happy camper.

Despite the sun in the sky and cheerful atmosphere, Sasuke still took the time to kick the crud out of a poor defenceless rock all the way to the senior home.

"Stupid mother, stupid cold, stupid lack of tomatoes..." Sasuke muttered to himself.

"Sasuke! Quit muttering to yourself! People will start to wonder," Kakashi's muffled words came from behind his nasty orange book.

"More than how much people wonder about your teaching abilities due to your infatuation with those damn books?" Sasuke retorted.

"Hey! My books show others that I am mature enough to read something less...child appropriate, and still fuel the minds of children!"

"Or they show everyone that you're a nasty pervert who really needs to get laid..."

"Shut up. I am the teacher and the adult, and you are the pupil who's mind I must shape. So go start digging,"

"Sasuke! Are you ready to help dig up some potatoes! I bet I can dig up more than you can!" Naruto's high voice pierced through Sasuke's ears, making him grimace.

"What the hell did you have for breakfast this morning, Naruto? Dumbass flakes?" Sakura's voice wafted over, which, if truth be told, Sasuke found rather annoying as well. The sun glinting off her bright, bubble-gum pink hair wasn't doing much to help his raging headache either.

"Ugh. Shut up you guys...my head..." He groaned.

"Aw, is Shasuke feewing shick?" Naruto cooed, slinking his arm around Sasuke's shoulders.

"Do you want a tomato sandwich?" Sakura asked, holding out a petite package wrapped in brown paper.

Sasuke's nose twitched.

"You have a tomato sandwich with you?" He asked, trying to act nonchalant. Sakura giggled. Apparently he was failing.

"Yeah. I figured you'd appreciate it," Sasuke doubted this. Mikoto probably just called her up before she got here, and told her to satiate his tomato fix. Whatever the reason was, Sasuke could kiss the pinkette.

Snatching the package, Sasuke stuffed the contents into his mouth like a starved animal, causing more giggles to erupt from the girl.

"...Thanks," He muttered, once not a crumb was left (He even licked the paper that served as the sandwich container). Sakura just waved and went to go get a shovel. Sighing at his momentary lack of control over his emotionless exterior, even though tomatoes was a very good reason for doing so.

...

Wow, he really needed professional help.

Grabbing a spade, Sasuke began to dig.

It was pretty easy going for the most part, even with his cold. Naruto just had shadow clones do all the work for him while he sat, enjoying the sunshine. _Stupid dobe..._

Sasuke coughed, the cold beginning to get to him. At that moment, all of Naruto's clones disappeared. Turning around in confusion, Sasuke saw Naruto, rigid as a board, staring of into space in pure horror.

"...dobe?" Sasuke asked cautiously.

"Oh no... he coughed" Was his only reply.

"Naruto, what is it?" Sakura asked, catching on.

"The sudden inexplicable need to dye my hair black and trade in all my pants for black skinny jeans...to write depressing poetry while listening to Papa Roach...to slit my wrists...all the symptoms are there..." Naruto said in a whisper that was barely audible.

"What are you going on about?" Sasuke asked tiredly.

"I'm gonna catch...the emo..."

"...What?"

"_The eeemmmooo!" _Naruto yelled, and began to run around in a hysteric frenzy.

"Someone! Please help me! Before it's too late, and I end up gay! Or manic depressive! Or worse..._him!" _Naruto turned to point a finger at Sasuke.

"Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sasuke exclaimed.

Naruto raised his eyebrows in a "Don't be bullshitting me you know exactly what it's supposed to mean" look.

"Have you _seen _the way you dress? Those bands you wear to cover up your wrists because you 'Get cold?' Bitch, please, even _Hanabi _can see right through that,"

"That's not true! I _do _get cold!" Sasuke yelled indignantly. A devilish smile flashed across Naruto's foxy face as he looked at the Uchiha.

"Prove it," Naruto said simply before launching himself at the raven haired boy and tackling him to the ground.

"Dobe? What the hell? Mmmph!" Sasuke's words were cut off as Naruto shoved part of his sweater in his mouth.

"Stay still! Ach!" The two boys continued to roll around in the dirt, gaining amused looks from Kakashi and Sakura.

"How long 'till you be Naruto gains some common sense and asks me for help?" Sakura asked him idly.

"Four...five minutes? Given Sasuke doesn't get over his I'm-an-Uchiha-and-therefore-do-not-call-for-help prissy-ness." Kakashi replied.

"Sakura, I've got him held down, rip off his wrist slitting arm covers!" Naruto called. Smirking slightly to herself, Sakura went over to help the poor boy. Despite her insane crush on Sasuke, the chance to just make him feel insanely _uncomfortable _ruled supreme.

What she found underneath was nothing she expected. Instead of finding any tell tale scars of Sasuke's cutting, they found something a lot more...intriguing.

"Does that say..._mommy?_"

Yes, underneath the mighty Uchiha's wrist bands was, not only a tattoo of a big red heart, but a tattoo with a big red heart and the word "Mommy" written in slanted letters written across it. Flushing a deep scarlet/maroon/red...colour, Sasuke shoved Naruto off him and replaced the cloth over his arm as mentioned idiot began to burst into laughter. Kakashi even let out a little giggle.

"My mother got it with me when I was ten..." Sasuke mumbled.

"Watching Kurt from Glee try to convince people he was straight was more believable" Kakashi put in.

"What's under the other one? A tomato?" Sakura choked out between strangled laughs.

Sasuke made no reply. All laughter abruptly stopped.

"You don't, do you?" Sakura asked slowly.

"...no..."

"He totally does! I knew you liked tomato's, but that's an obsession!"

Stupid mother...stupid cold...stupid lack of tomatoes...

Suffice to say, Sasuke was not a happy camper.

**Minkeystalker...again: This made me giggle. So, yay for teh first one shot! Actually REVIEW this time please! That was a little harsh, but the message remains the same. Reeeeevviiiieeeewwww. Hypno toad says reeeeviiieeewww. **


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